No Alarms and No Surprises Please

We’re only a month into the season, but I’m already feeling silly about some of my preseason predictions. I wanted to be edgy with some of my picks and may end up looking foolish for my Milwaukee Bucks analysis.

Aside Note: Staring into Jason Kidd’s eyes is like staring into the abyss. No disrespect to the legend, but if he were anything but a basketball genius, and NBA coach, I’d be nervous interacting with him. Imagine being a woman, and having J-Kidd as your gynecologist. Or imagine if J-Kidd was a manager at a cell phone store. He could either talk you into buying all kinds of unnecessary upgrades, or he would creep you the fuck out. If Jason Kidd were your EAP appointed shrink, would you go back and see him? I bet he practices hypnotism on the undercover.  You could tell me anything about Jason Kidd and I’d probably halfway believe it. The guy has had some notable public (and not so public) fiascoes  in his time.

As much as I want to perform self fellatio over my pre-season Mavs pick, I can’t help but feel stupid for buying into hype on the OKC Thunder. Dion Waiters is doing to basketball what Puff Daddy did to hip-hop in the late 90’s. It hurts me to my soul to watch that guy play basketball. Which makes it doubly tough to watch Thunder games. That guy couldn’t spell pass if you spotted put a P right next to Kim Kardashian’s booty. I’m not sold on the role players on their squad. I know its early, but as of today, 11/28/2015, they don’t look like NBA Finals material.

Spurs look good. The problem is that we haven’t seen them play too many good teams yet. You can also tell they are still trying to get the new guys acclimated to their system of play.

I seriously underestimated the Warriors though. As of last night, they are 100-20 for the last 2 seasons. I already said enough on them last week, but 17-0 is some video game shit. I could do that on NBA Live, but the sliders would be skewed and I would have certainly hit reset on a few of those games. Watching them play is a spiritual experience, and Steph Curry is the most exciting player in the game right now.

The biggest surprise has been how well the East has looked this year. Scoring has been up this year, and every team in the top 8 has a winning record as of today.  The Hornets are not as bad as I thought they would be.The Pistons are putting up a fight, Orlando is pesky with their talented backcourt, and even the Knicks are playing respectable ball (who is this Porzingis kid everyone is talking about???).

Although the Spurs and Warriors are looking good, and the Mavericks are surprising everyone but me and my podcast mate, Craig Stein, the West has become surprisingly buster laden. Think of the biggest busters in the NBA, and I can rattle off at least five off the top of my head. Don’t believe me?

[Takes a Deep breath]

AUSTINRIVERS,CHRISPAUL,JOSHSMITH,DEANDREJORDAN,

JAMESHARDEN,DIONWAITERS, DWIGHTHOWARD, and ROY HIBBERT.

[And exhale]

Four of those guys play on the same team, and another set of two play on the Rockets. Enough said right?

As it stands the 7-7 Utah Jazz would make the playoffs as an eighth seed. Of course I don’t expect this to last, but it does make for a very interesting start to the season. We were ready to just hand over the Eastern Conference title to the Heat Cavaliers. It may not be such a cakewalk.

On this week’s slate of games, its slim pickings for the first week of December. Maybe that is a good thing:

 

Monday

OKC-ATL 

Dallas-Sacramento

Spurs-Bulls (Good Ass Game of the Week)

 

Tuesday

This a good ass day to get some work done.

Wednesday

Golden State-Charlotte 

Go ahead and mark an “L” for the Hornets, as Steph Curry comes home. Do yourself a favor and listen to the away feed, as his dad, Dell will be calling it as a color commentator. Someone in the East will gain a game on Charlotte if they take care of their own business.

Toronto-Atlanta

Playoff preview?

Milwaukee-San Antonio

Worth checking out for sure. I’ll probably be at work late this night, catching up on work, so this is the perfect storm. I may as well bring a cot to my classroom.

Thursday

Oklahoma City-Miami

Interesting front court matchup here. I’d bet the over on blocks swatted this game.

Spurs-Grizzlebees 

Who knew that the missing piece for Memphis was a guard from Kansas?

 

Celtics-Kings

I know my boy Falcon Mike will be on this one. Rondo vs. his favorite team? MMMMPPPPHHHHH

“Black Album” Friday

It is a long season. Get out of the house for a change. Spend some time with that special someone. Big ups to one of the greatest to ever step in the booth.

Saturday

Golden State-Toronto

This game will almost certainly be a beige-out. Every light skinned dude from Hamilton, Ontario to Concord, California will be tuning in for this one.

People always ask me, “Bobby Mickey why don’t you like light skinned people?” Well for the record, I have nothing against light skinned people–my mother is light skinned, my granny was light skinned, if you know anything about my proclivities, there is a really good chance my kids will be light skinned.

But light skinned people are a breed of folk of their own. A lot of them think they are better than dark people because they are light, and they also think they are better than pale people because they have permanent tans (the notable exceptions to this are Chris Arnold and Stephen Curry). If you don’t believe me, just ask one of them. They will guiltily laugh because they know its true. I ain’t lying!!!

Cleveland-Miami 

This will be a hard fought affair, and then Wade, Bosh, and Lebron will all go out to a steak and shrimp dinner and talk about the old days. Then they will do “not one, not two, not three, four, five shots” of really expensive tequila, before tearfully hugging goodbye.

Kings-Rockets

If my man “Boogie Down Productions” is playing, there is good chance there may be a fight/and or ejection. I’m a mild mannered guy and the Rockets piss me off. Imagine a hot head like Cousins having to put up with Harden’s FuckBoyShit. 

Blazers vs. Teen Wolves

I can’t wait for my boy Bobo to get back from Europe so I can start texting him about the Blazers again. This game is definitely group text worthy.

Sunday

Kings-Thunder

I could see this one getting testy too. I don’t know if this is Good Ass Game of the Week material, but I guarantee you its gonna be some ice grilling going on. By the way, I love me some Russ, homie is perpetually sour.

Dallas-Washington

Talk about tapping that vein. Wizards are boring and basic as fuck. I’m sure there are 1,000’s of reasons to watch this game, but I can’t think of any.

A lot of shade being thrown in today’s post. I hope I didn’t offend anyone. These are just jokes folks. Life is too short to be getting butt hurt over every little thing. There are issues to worry about in the world.

Peace,

 

BM

bobbymickey@gmail.com

fullsass.com

@clickpicka79

#thisagoodassgame #fullsass

 

 

 

 

 

 

Guest Post By Jordan Paladino: Fuck Kevin Durant

[Editor’s Note: Although I don’t agree with ANY of the assertions posted below, I did find the piece to be funny and well written. It’s also the perfect counterpoint to today’s earlier post on RUN-OKC.] 

Kevin Durant is a six-time All Star, five time All-NBA First Teamer, Rookie of the Year in 2008, and NBA MVP in 2014. He also has the honor of being my least favorite player in the NBA.

Our star crossed hate stems from a place of honest and sincere love. Growing up in Portland, OR (Go Blazers, I guess), I remember being one of two kids in my high school that has hoping our home team Trail Blazers would draft Kevin Durant over Greg Oden (shoutout to David Skolnik, being on Team Durant with me).

As it became more and more clear that the Blazers would be drafting Greg Oden, the more I, a noted contrarian, doubled down on the Durant love. I would tell my classmates that Durant would be twice the player Oden was within two years of the draft.

Greg Oden famously missed more games than he played in Portland, and the rest was history on his end. When Kevin Durant was a lowly Seattle SuperSonic (R.I.P.) he was likable. He could light up the Clippers for 40 one night and torch the 15-67 Miami Heat on a back to back. The SuperSonics sucked in 2008, but Durant was fun to watch, even if no one was paying attention.

In the offseason of 2008, something changed. I remember it pretty clearly too. People were getting over their love of Kobe, LeBron was too popular, and Bill Simmons declared Durant to be his favorite player in the league. Durant started to become the hip and in vogue player to declare your favorite when pressed by inquiring and basketball loving minds.

I let my love of Durant dwindle as the populace started taking notice. By the time 2010-2011 rolled around and Durant was named to his first All-Star game, won his first scoring title, and would be the FIBA World Championship MVP if not for the NBA player who casual fans never appreciated as much as they should (for no real reason other than people suck), decided he was tired of his home team and decided to link up with the greatest Toronto Raptor of all time, and a former Finals MVP. I of course am speaking of LeBron James.

Yes, my hatred of Durant stems from my love of LeBron. Look, I admit it. I love LeBron, and now that a lot of NBA fans hate LeBron for doing something that we all would do (look for championships when we already had more money than we’d ever need), I loved LeBron even more. The select group of “smart” NBA fans (aka the ones who didn’t care that LeBron left Cleveland) took umbrage with Derrick “No Knees” Rose winning the 2011 MVP over the clearly superior James.

King James did not make it easy on himself that year though. “The Decision” was poorly planned, his desire to be the bad guy in front of booing fans, and his ever-growing headband all made him look like the kind of guy who didn’t really understand what he was doing to his public image, which he clearly cared very deeply about.

Once the 2011 playoffs kicked off, LeBron went to a level of play as an individual and as a teammate that I’d not seen since Michael Jordan. King James averaged (rounding up) 26 points, 8 rebounds, and 7 assists per game in a 4-1 trouncing of the Chicago Bulls (perennial underachievers since the departure of Jordan).

Rose scored less, shot worse, and turned the ball over more than LeBron, for those keeping score at home. Miami was ready for the Mavericks in the Finals, and should have won in no more than 6 games.

But LeBron lost his first trip to the Finals with the Heat in one of the most bizarre and un-starlike performances I’ve seen in my years of watching basketball. Dwyane Wade was Miami’s best player, by a mile, and LeBron played almost as poorly as Derrick Rose (yeah, I don’t like Derrick Rose at all) in the Conference Finals the round before. I was sad. LeBron’s stock had never been lower, and Durant’s had never been higher. Something had to come to a head.

The 2011-2012 NBA season wasn’t of great note, other than the fact that LeBron won the MVP, Durant lead Oklahoma City past the, at the time, best team I’d ever seen San Antonio Spurs, and Derrick Rose blew out his knee in the first playoff game he played in that postseason. Finally, I had what I wanted. I had my guy playing against my least favorite guy.

LeBron wiped the floor with Durant (who cried when they lost) and Russell Westbrook was the best player on OKC. I couldn’t have been happier. The 2012-2013 season came and went, with LeBron winning another MVP and another NBA Championship, and Durant being boring and uncool.

I loved LeBron as much as any NBA player I ever have and hated Durant as much as any professional athlete I have ever hated (except for athletes who beat women or commit murders). Durant started to buy in to his “I’m the second best, and i’m tired of it, bruh!” narrative.

The more that Durant lived life in the spotlight the more I started to hate him. He had the lamest coach in the NBA (Scott Brooks), the coolest teammate in the NBA (Russell Westbrook), and still had acne. Durant was caught using homophobic slurs, cheering on battle rappers, and beefing with the Based God (Lil B).

Surely this was enough to get people to start hating Durant, right? Wrong! He could do no wrong! It wasn’t his fault he played for a bad coach, it wasn’t his fault that Russ shot too much, it wasn’t his fault their GM traded away James Harden. Why were excuses being made for Durant that weren’t being made for LeBron?

Why was LeBron clowned for losing his hair when Durant is balding himself? People like Durant because he doesn’t have tattoos (he does). They like him because he’s a nice young man (if using gay slurs and calling out the media makes you a nice young man… so be it).

People cried when Durant thanked his mother “You the real MVP” at his MVP press conference, and I’ll admit I thought it was very heartfelt, but then I remembered Kevin Durant has never won a Finals ring and beefed with Lil B.

Now when people ask me my favorite players in the NBA I answer before the question is out of their mouth. LeBron. Second favorite? Russ. Who do I think will be the MVP of the 2015-2016 season? Harden. Coincidence? No.

“Fuck Kevin Durant” – Lil B

Jordan Paladino is a Portland comedian, rapper, and writer for the show “Who’s the Ross?” He is a staunch defender of all things Lebron James, Drake and Kanye West. He is also a KD hater. I try not to hold these things against him.

RUN OKC: A Memoriam For The 2012 Oklahoma City Thunder

Russell+Westbrook+James+Harden+Oklahoma+City+m1hKjTuf3lwl

Watching the 2012 playoffs made me feel like I was witnessing the ascension of one franchise and their franchise player. I’d been keeping tabs on Kevin Durant since the year his Freshman year at UT and my time in Austin coincided. There was nothing that could convince me he wasn’t going to be a star in the NBA. By his third year, I’d concluded that not only was he my favorite NBA player, but my favorite NBA player of all time.

His first year in Oklahoma City was a rough one, the team lost often, but you could see the progress. Tickets were still cheap then, and there were still people in the city that had no idea there was a permanent NBA team.

When Pau Gasol’s put back bucket ended the 2010 season, there was no denying that the team and the city had embraced each other. 2011 brought more expectations, and the team did not disappoint. RUN OKC was born.

Even though the Dallas Mavericks dismantled the Thunder during key 4th quarter stretches in the Western Conference Finals, there was reason to be optimistic for the OKC boys. 2012 did not disappoint, and despite the beat down that was handed to the Thunder, it was still fun to watch what I thought was only the beginning of a budding dynasty in the west.

Little did we know that James Harden would force his way out of town by grabbing 80 Million to ball for Houston, and the following three seasons would be compromised by injuries to key players. But things were still innocent in 2012. It was one thing to hope for a trip to the NBA Finals. It was another thing altogether to watch it happen.

Once a team gets that close to winning it all, nothing is the same. Expectations change because the ceiling has been raised. Its like the first time you drink organic milk out of a glass bottle, or smoke really good weed after only trying Mexican dirt swag.

I feel like this year’s roster is on paper the most balanced squad that Sam Presti has ever assembled, but the 2012 was special to me for sentimental reasons. Three of my favorite college players of all time were on the same team in Royal Ivey (one of the nicest Longhorns on campus when he played there), Kevin Durant, and Nick Collison, and I’d seen Kendrick Perkins in his “Baby Shaq” days at Beaumont Ozen High School. James Harden wasn’t annoying yet, and Russell Westbrook was just coming into his own. They were a fun to team to watch.

The Starters on that team were:

C Kendrick Perkins

PF Serge Ibaka

SF Kevin Durant

SG Thabo Sefelosha

PG Russell Westbrook

The Key reserves:

SG James Harden

PG Eric Maynor

SG Daequan Cook

PG Derek Fisher

PF Nick Collison

Head Coach : Scotty Brooks

Regular Season Record: 47-19 Northwest Division Champions

After posting 47 wins in a lockout shortened regular season, expectations were tempered, but hopeful, that somehow the Thunder would at least make the Western Conference Finals. The Spurs were steamrolling opponents in the first 2 rounds of play, and it seemed inevitable that Oklahoma City was only cannon fodder for San Antonio on the way to their next championship parade (isn’t it crazy that there were almost 3 Spurs-Heat Finals Series?).

Kevin Durant and company had other plans however. Game 1 of the first round series foretold that the Thunder’s playoff run would be the revenge plot out of a basketball movie.

Mavericks got swept and the ghosts from the previous Western Conference Finals were exorcised.

Round 2 gave RUN OKC a chance to enact revenge against the soon to be LOL Lakers and Metta World Peace. Their recent run-ins had become testy at best, as the upstart Thunder had been giving the Lakers fits during the last couple of years. It was the young pups vs. the old dogs, and the biting had become less playful.

The Thunder were clearly faster, stronger, and better. The Lakers were just coasting on a dubious championship run (Denver and Orlando were talented enough to knock them out but they nutted up–and the refs had conveniently swallowed their whistles in the Lakers favor during a crucial stretch in game 7 of the 2010 Finals).

It was basketball justice to watch the LOL’s get that ass whupped–much like seeing a bully finally get what they deserve.

Round 3 against the Spurs was some of the best and worst basketball I’d seen during a WCF. There were stretches of incredible basketball, and there were times when I wanted to throw a shoe at the television.

Game 1 was probably the best game of that entire series from a pure basketball standpoint. There were so many OMFG plays that I went back and downloaded the game for whenever I needed to scratch that itch for “Hoops Porn”

The Spurs won that game and the next one, and with a 2-0 lead, the question wasn’t whether the Spurs were going to win it all, but were they even going to lose on their way to a title. The Spurs were 10-0 during the playoffs at that point, and had won 20 straight games going back to the regular season.

But RUN OKC had something to say about that and won 4 straight games, leaving San Antonio befuddled and confused, something I rarely saw from a Gregg Popovich coached team.

I was there when the Thunder clinched the West in game 6, and that was the loudest venue I’d ever been in at that point (Game 2 of the Finals’ volume would eclipse that night–and I hadn’t been to a Warriors game yet).

Game 4 of this series was the apex in my opinion, with KD scoring 36 in the game–18 of them in the final quarter. That shit was unreal to watch live.

This was the point where it was clear that my man was going to be a SUPER DUPER STAR, and everyone finally had to acknowledge it. It made for good cinema. Unfortunately in every good revenge movie, there is a foil, and the Thunder were about to face them.

THE MIAMI HEAT

Everyone remembers this:

and this.

Side Note: Is it just me, or does Lebron seem remarkably younger in this clips? He seems to have aged in the same ways that U.S. presidents age after a full 8 year term. I’m sure as great as those feelings were winning those chips, I can’t even imagine the stress he has faced in taking on that challenge.

I was very happy for Dallas Mavericks fans when they were able to deny the Miami “Lebrons” a title in their first year together. If you enjoy schadenfreude, then watching Jason Kidd whip the ball around to Dirk who whipped the ball to Jason Terry for open shots was enough to make a person giddy–or if you like watching grown men cry. The Heat losing that finals was their reward for doing everything the “wrong way”.

They were the perfect foil to the OKC Thunder and their (rightly or wrongly) choir boy personas.

As much as I wanted to see KD get that ring, they were just outmatched. Scotty Brooks was outcoached (not for the last time) and when Harden wasn’t on the court, it was a 2 on 5 offensive game, with way too much isolation play. This played right into the Heat’s hands who were smothering on defense.

Oklahoma City wasn’t ready for what the Heat had for them. Brooks had no adjustments for the series, and after game 2, it was clear that the moment was a little too big for OKC (especially Harden who had a terrible Finals).

Game 1 was a misleading blowout in the Thunder’s favor, and although Game 2 could have easily been won (terrible no call in the final seconds on a foul by Lebron), OKC had trouble achieving any sort of offensive flow. I was in the stands that night, and what should have been an enjoyable experience, only left me frustrated and hoarse from screaming so loudly.

3 games later, the series was over. The Thunder had their best chance to reverse their fortunes in game 4, but the person keeping them in the game, also contributed to the most devastating play in crunch time.

It was over just like that. Grown men were once again crying.
Others were basking in their redemption.

But everyone knew that this wasn’t the end. There was still another run for RUN OKC right? This only seemed like the part of the basketball movie where the team bonds during off-season workouts and then come back to face the villainous bad boys in a rematch and take the title from them.

But we know what happened next don’t we? No reason to go into all that again. There are countless columns by former ESPN employees that do this ad nauseum. I will say that I feel like I got robbed of my Hollywood ending–kinda like watching a movie for 2 hours at the theater and the projector craps out right before the climax.

It is hard to call a team that makes the NBA Finals losers. OKC got a taste of the good life. People started visiting Oklahoma City for reasons other than seeing the Bombing Memorial.

Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook are two of the most marketable players in the NBA (and let’s not forget that Harden is at least 280 million dollars richer since missing that crucial breakaway dunk in game 4 of that finals).

Yes, it is hard to call a team that has had such success for the past five years, losers, but each season preceding 2012 has been increasingly frustrating.

Unlike the 2013 Spurs who redeemed themselves after a heartbreaking Finals loss, with an even better roster that demolished the Heat (and destroying any need to write a requiem for that team),each season since 2012 has been increasingly frustrating for the Thunder.

Russ got hurt the very next season to a team that wouldn’t have made the playoffs if not for James Harden. Ibaka was hurt the year after that and they watched the Spurs advance. And of course KD broke his foot twice last year. Is this the “Curse of Daniel Plainview“–the Sonicsgate Curse?

Or is it just a series of increasingly bad decisions?

OKC should be odds on favorite to come out of west if they are healthy and all of this may be forgotten. The bottom could fall out just as easily though, if KD and Westbrook split for greener pastures. Then again, they could just as easily compete for championships for the next few years, while James Harden becomes the first player to play through being cursed two years in a row (the Khardashian curse is real).

Are we approaching an era where we see Oklahoma City-Cleveland series 3 years in a row (Golden State may have something to say about that)? I think this season will be the big fork in the road for Russ, Kevin Durant, and the Thunder franchise. If both KD and Russ end up leaving, people will point to this season as the fork in the road for everyone, but history might show that 2012 was the real turning point. We are only a week away from finding out.

BM
#Thisagoodassgame
@clickpicka79
bobbymickey@gmail.com

Resting Up for the Playoffs

From now until the 18th of April, every game will be a “tap that vein” game. Most of the playoff berths have been set, and now we are just waiting on the seedings to play out. I will be taking a vacation from the blog until the playoff seedings are set, then we can break down which series will be worth tuning into.

Western Conference Standings as of 4/6/15
1. Warriors

2. Rockets

3. Grizzlies

4. Blazers

5. Clippers

6. Spurs

7. Mavericks

8. Thunder

On the bubble: Pelicans, and Suns. Pelicans are only .5 games back of the 8th spot, while the Suns are barely hovering at .500.

Easter Conference Standings as of 4/6/15

1. Hawks

2. Cavs

3. Bulls

4. Raptors

5. Bullets errr Wizards

6. Bucks

7. Nets

8. Celtics

On the bubble:
Pacers, Heat, Hornets

the 6, 7, 8, seeds are all under .500…

There are 7 games left in the year. For the Bucks, Nets, Celtics, Heat, Hornets,and Pacers, every game will be a playoff game. The same goes for the Thunder and Pelicans. You want that playoff intensity, then watch any of the aforementioned teams. But like I said before, is it worth not being able to cancel date night in April because you wanted to see if the Celtics were going to squeeze into the 8th seed?

Well maybe it will be.

Good Ass Games for the rest of the season:

Monday

Duke vs. Wisconsin….Calipari’s no coaching ass got exposed again……people should start looking at 2012 as the aberration and not the norm. How many NBA prospects has he pushed out, and how many chips does he have? Exactly. Tonight’s championship game may be the “Good Ass Game of the Week”.

Tuesday
Golden State vs. new Orleans
San Antonio vs. OkC

Wed
Houston-san Antonio

Thursday
Portland-Golden State

Friday
Golden State-San Antonio

Saturday
Clippers-Grizzlebees

Sunday

Pelicans-Rockets

Monday-13th

OKC-Blazers
Clippers-Suns

Tuesday
N/A

Wednesday 15th

New Orleans-Spurs

Spring Breakin’

After 2 solid months of fickle winter weather, I am experiencing some severe symptoms of Spring Fever. The doctor recommends I take a vacation, so I’m heading to my hometown for a little rest and relaxation.
Below is this week’s slate of Good Ass Games, but if you missed last week’s Cavs-Spurs game, then you missed the Good Ass Game of the Year. From start to finish, it felt like an NBA Finals game, with barely a lull throughout. The refs swallowed their whistles and let the boys get it in. The Lebron vs. Kawhi storyline did not disappoint, and Tony Parker vs. Kyrie Irving face-off was legit (the 56 that Irving scored didn’t even play much into the game until near the end when he went nuts.

Monday

Oklahoma City vs. Dallas

“Tap That Vein Tuesday”

Memphis- Detroit
Milwaukee vs. New Orleans

Wednesday

[Good ASS GAME of the Week] Golden State vs. Atlanta

Thursday

New Orleans-Phoenix

Friday

Atlanta-Oklahoma City
Memphis-Dallas
New Orleans-Golden State

Saturday

Portland-Memphis
Phoenix-Houston

Sunday

New Orleans-Los Angeles Clippers
San-Antonio vs. Atlanta
Dallas-Phoenix

MY NCAA FINAL FOUR PREDICTION:

Arizona, Virginia, Iowa State, Kentucky

Kentucky beats Virginia in the championship game.

Have a great Spring Break! #GETITIN

@clickpicka79
bobbymickey@gmail.com
#thisagoodassgame