Clicks to Pick Dec. 12-18 [Updated]

This week’s Click’s to Pick are brought to you by Aaron Ross from the Portland late night talk show, “Who’s the Ross?” Bmick returns from Bermuda next week (we hope) to bring you the column in its regular format.

With Xmas around the corner, this week’s Clicks to Pick are rated as classic children’s presents you may have found under the tree, back in the day.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 12

POR @ LACNBA LIVE 2016: We’ve played this game before… It’s not as much fun to play as the new version, but it’s familiar, and we keep coming back to it.

Can the ‘Zers avenge an early season beat down? Probably not. Do the slumping Clips need any more motivation than last year’s injury plagued 1st rd exit? Definitely not.  

  Even though this season is only entering the 2nd quarter, a win here would be huge for the Blazers, who have been viciously spanked by contenders this year, while another home loss for Doc, Son, & Co. could turn into the kind of finger-pointing that would signal an early demise for these “so called contenders.”

LAL @ SACEASY BAKE OVEN: You won’t play with this toy next year (Boogie will be gone), but with a stroke of luck, and Mom’s helping hand (Luke Walton), you might walk away with a tasty treat (or it’ll taste like garbage, and you’ll be asking yourself why did you waste your time?).

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 13

OKC @ ZERS (GOOD ASS GAME OF THE WEEK) – YOUR FIRST BASKETBALL: The gift that keeps on giving, which you will use for years to come (until you leave it at the gym, someone else takes it, and your pissed-off parents won’t buy you a new one).

I’m a Blazers homer, so no surprise they dominate my Clicks to Pick. But there are four great reasons to watch this game:

  1. It features two of the most exciting point guards in the league, in their prime.
  2. The New O will be going for his 9th triple double in a row. (yes, the streak will still be alive) {Edit: It ended on Sunday against the Boston Celtics.}
  3. Last year, “Dame Time” became a national catchphrase when Lillard ethered OKC with 17 pts in the final 3 mins of a Jan. game at the Rose Garden, and don’t think Russ doesn’t want to duplicate this nuclear explosion, one year later.  
  4. The Blazers will be coming off another beat down to the Clip Show, and in desperate need of a home win, less than 24 hours later.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 14

 BOS @ SA – SOCKS: Socks are the worst gift you can receive as a youth. (unless you’re a teenage Bobby Mickey, then you fill them shits right up! Skeet Skeet Skeet!) But as an adult, they are not only sensible, but can definitely add to your style game (I match my socks with my dress shirts and/or neckties *wink*).

 These aren’t the boring Spurs of you grew up with, but they’re not the most intriguing team in the league either…unless you’re a bball junky, then the ball movement, defensive close-outs, and Pops grouchy demeanor make you harder than Bobby Mickey peepin’ a primetime thigh after a long night of grading papers (ZING x 2!!).

 Facing the Eastern Conference’s best “other” team, this would be the 2017 Finals matchup if LeBron & Steph pulled an MJ and left the game at their peak–giving someone else a chance for a couple of years. But just to be clear, SA is only a smidge under GSW’s power ranking, whereas BOS is in a second tier, far below them. However, Beantown Brad’s Boys have the ability to beat an elite team on any given night (just not in a 7 game series). Is this that night? It’s possible. San Antonio has not been impenetrable at home this season, and Pop recently ripped his squad for their lack of effort.

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 15

CHI @ MILPLAYBOY MAGAZINE vs BRAZZERS SUBSCRIPTION – First off, no kid ever received these filthy-ass XXXmas presents…we stole ‘em! Secondly, there’s no reason to buy Playboy in 2016. But if you’re from my generation, there’s something refreshing about the tangible nature of a porno mag, plus the articles are pretty great. We’re talking knowledge & experience vs. balls out and…well, BALLS OUT! (set amongst the finest knockers in the game)

2016 Bulls, 2013 Nets, 2011 Celtics, 1997 Rockets. See the trend? Talent, experience, too late, nice try. WHO’S NEXT???

2015 Thunder, 1996 Magic, 1990’s Seattle Mariners. TALENT! TALENT! TALENT! WE NEXT! Will it gel? Probably not. But for a couple of years, it’ll be fun to watch, and that’s enough, especially coming from the Bucks, who’d be praising all major deities if they make it out the first round.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 16

LAL @ PHI (GOOD ASS GAME OF THE WEAK) CHIA PET: Waiting…waiting…waiting. Will it ever grow? Why isn’t anything happening??? Oh shit! It’s hurt again?!? Wait…is it actually starting to grow, now?!? Holy shit, if this keeps up, it will be beautiful! Buuuuuuuuuut, it’ll probably end up failing in the long run.  

A year ago, these teams were helpless busters! Shit, a month ago, these teams were helpless busters. But all of a sudden Luke’s Lil’ Lakers & The Process are two of the most intriguing teams in the league. With Kobe out the picture, these young guns have been let loose, and EMBIID! EMBIID! EMBIID! has reminded us that a Big Man with ACTUAL POST MOVES is not a myth! This game means nothing in the now, and these teams may never materialize, but at least it will be fun to watch.

ZERS @ GSWPOWER WHEELS vs A REMOTE CONTROLLED CAR: One is fully powered, the other is a smaller imitator that can’t keep up.

A year ago, I thought the Blazers nailed the Golden State formula, and were on their way to being a young, shoot the lights out, run & gun, small ball team that was one piece away from turning the corner to being an elite team.
I was wrong. They are AT LEAST one piece away from being a top-tier team, and moving to the next level may involve trading a key piece (CJ). These boys need defense, and a real inside presence to make it out the first round, and that ain’t coming this year, unless Neil Olshey makes some magic happen before the trade deadline (which I don’t see him doing).

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 17

LAKERS @ CAVS (TRAP GAME OF THE WEEK) 3-D PUZZLE: At first you’re a little disappointed you got a fuckin’ puzzle, but once you start putting it together, it’s way more exciting than you anticipated.

Last time the Baby Lake Show was on the road against the league’s best team, they smoked ‘em like Gouda, sausage, or the sweetest Oregon sticky icky. This is the type of game young, hungry, well-coached teams surprise you with, and I see the Lakers coming out on top against a Cavs team thinking ahead to an Xmas Day matchup with their only real competition in the league.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 18

NO @ SAENCYCLOPEDIA BRITANNICA: When unwrapped, no one wants this present. Whether it was hardback, CD-ROM, or however a kid receives an encyclopedia nowadays (I assume it’d be like donating to Wikipedia on a child’s behalf, which is corny as fuck! (although I may pull that move for a little bastard down the road, just cause).  But down the road, you will retain the knowledge you received from the encyclopedia, and while you may not fondly reflect on where it came from, it will be beneficial to your growth as a Bball fan.

The game’s best big man, backed by the worst “others” in the league play the team that ALWAYS has the best “others.” Take note Pelicans: if you wanna keep the Brow Down, you need to figure out how to build a team around him, and we all know you can’t spell TEAM without San Antonio!

image1   AARON ROSS is the host/head-writer of “WHO’S the ROSS?” – Portland’s weekly late-night talk show. You can catch him at Dante’s every Tuesday night, right down the street from Voodoo Donuts and the spot where Ndamukong Suh had that car wreck. 

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